


Not Friends

by 3ves



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Confessions, M/M, Meteorstuck, Oneshot, a soft moment, postretcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 01:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15697758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ves/pseuds/3ves
Summary: Karkat breathed in, breathed out, and let the creaking of the meteor and the white noise of the TV fill his head.--With the end of their journey approaching, Karkat finally brings up the feelings he's felt rising between him and Dave.





	Not Friends

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of "Shadowed" because I decided I didn't like how the atmosphere was built in that one.

Karkat breathed in, breathed out, and let the creaking of the meteor and the white noise of the TV fill his head. The movie was one he and Dave had watched a million times and Karkat swore he could recite it backwards and forwards. So when Drew Barrymore turned heartbroken to the screen, her eyebrows knit together in pain and the corners of her lips creasing downwards, the same pang of empathy and sorrow didn’t shoot through Karkat and bring crummy red-tainted tears to his eyes. Karkat breathed in, breathed out, and concentrated on the cheers of the people in the stands. Or. At least. He tried to.

Beside him, Dave shifted and fell closer to Karkat than before. It took all of Karkat’s concentration to breathe. Part of him wanted Dave to go away. Part of him yearned to slide closer. A glance towards Dave left him breathless. 

All of his concentration faded and all of his attention focused on the sight of Dave silhouetted by the blurred pastel swatches outside the window. Half a sweep was left until they finally escaped the minefield of dream bubbles that contained too many memories and places that Karkat never wanted to see again. The day they left them behind permanently, Karkat would breathe a sigh of relief at the idea that Dave would never have to stumble onto a sun-baked rooftop again.

Still, for all of his hatred for where he came from, Dave was a Texan born and grown (or at least grown.) In the chill of the meteor, Dave scooted closer to Karkat again, slowly edging into the aura of heat Karkat radiated. Karkat’s bloodpusher swelled at the brush of Dave’s shoulder against his. The movie ended and, when Dave looked over at Karkat, a smile pulled the corners of his lips up and Karkat found he couldn’t look away.

“What?” Dave asked. Lately he was all soft smiles and gentle laughs. 

_ I really want to kiss you _ , Karkat thought. And then he shut his thoughts up because that wasn’t how he wanted to feel right now while his best friend sat only inches away. With the end credits playing in the background and the warmth of his blankets bundled around him, Karkat felt a new kind of jealousy that burned differently from the one he’d felt when Dave had first arrived. If only he’d been born a time player, then he could take this moment and draw it out, make it last an eternity.

Instead of wasting his breath on wishing for things that could never be, Karkat pulled the thick comforters around him tighter and hoped it was armor enough to prepare him for a conversation with Dave.

“Will we still be friends when we reach the next session?”

It came out gruffer than he’d meant with thorns embedded within it and accusations clouding the air as soon as he said it. Regret spiked through Karkat.

_ You braindead scumbag. _

In a hurry, more words tumbled out. “I just- We both know I have the social skills of a drunk block of cheese and I didn’t want to assume anything. It came to my attention that it was possible we’ve just been killing time together because we were the last two assholes left to pair up and I wanted to know where we’d be left once you’ve had your teary reunion with John and Jade.”

Karkat stopped and allowed himself to take a breath. He realized he was hyperfixating on the corner of the television and shifted his attention back to Dave. There was tension in Dave’s spine, pulling him taut and shifting his shoulders so that they were squared to face Karkat. With all of Dave’s attention on him, Karkat felt himself wilt.

In a smaller, quieter voice, Karkat mumbled the last piece of his ramble, “It’s alright if this was a temporary thing. I just need to know.”

“Uh,” Dave began and Karkat felt his face light up as his blood surged to his cheeks. “Frankly, Karkat, this is all very unexpected and vaguely insulting. Of course we’ll still be friends. You aren’t- Fuck. You aren’t just anybody, Karkat. If you think that we’re just friends because I was… forced… to become your friend, then you need to get that idea out of your head.”

This close to him, Karkat could see the red tinting Dave’s face too. He wondered, not for the first time, if he could ever let himself want Dave the way he wanted him. But Dave was his best friend and Karkat thought he’d learned his lesson from Terezi and Gamzee.

“Karkat, I’m just-” Dave breathed out a nervous laugh and ran a hand through his hair, “Fuck, man. I thought you knew. You always seem to know what’s up with me.”

With a grumble, Karkat buried himself deeper into the blankets. “You’re not exactly the most open person, Dave. It isn’t like I can unlock my fucking godtier powers and analyze what your shitty relationship with me consists of. I’m the useless asswipe who will be floundering on the sidelines when we get to the new session awaiting either a quick death or a long lonely existence wherein you’ve found your friends and I’ve found a neat corner to carve out a place to stay for the rest of my meaningless, mortal life.”

“...sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

Dave shifted uncomfortably in his seat and then sighed before burying his head in his hands.

“It isn’t though… Karkat, you are an incredibly big part of my life and I don’t know who I’d be if I hadn’t somehow fallen into your good graces.” Dave straightened and the imperceptible tilt of his chin was enough for Karkat to realize that he was looking directly at him. “You matter to me, Karkat. Please don’t die when we get to the new session. Or uh. Get eaten by your cats, I guess.”

“Oh.”

They lapse into another awkward silence, a rare occurrence considering both of their tendencies to run their mouths off in every possible scenario. As the end credits finally finished and a true silence descended on the room to pick at their carcasses like a vulture, Dave began to reach forward to slot in a new movie.

Propelled by nothing but an impulse, Karkat reached forward out of the swath of blankets he’d buried himself into and wrapped his claws around Dave’s wrist. 

“Dave, wait.” Every cell in Dave’s body seemed to still. “I… You’re my best friend, Dave.”

An easy grin spread across Dave’s face. “Ok, Karkat.”

“But Dave,” Karkat continued and something in his voice made Dave shift again so he was facing Karkat. The smile faded from Dave’s face as he took in the crease between Karkat’s brows and the stubborn set of his jaw. Neither of them acknowledged how Karkat’s hand remained wrapped around Dave’s wrist. “What if I want to be something else?”

“Dude, what.”

Karkat closed his eyes and loosened his grip on Dave’s wrist. When he reopened them, he shifted his gaze so that he wasn’t staring directly at Dave because it felt like he was looking at a Sun that would burn him inside and out. Karkat just wanted Dave to figure it out for once, to just know what Karkat was asking because he somehow didn’t have all the words to express his emotions loudly and exuberantly this time. He just wanted Dave to _ know _ .

“Could you ever see me like that? Not a pal. Not a bro. Not. A. Friend.”

This close, Karkat could make out Dave’s eyes behind his sunglasses fixating on him and searching him for answers he didn’t have. Karkat breathed in. Breathed out. Let the creaking of the meteor and the white noise of the TV fill his head. He felt as though Dave was weighing him, counting up some trait that would spell out the truth. All Karkat could hope was that he measured up.

An infinite amount of time seemed to pass and Karkat once again wished he was a time player if only to speed up this moment. He felt suspended in space, as though his soul had occupied a corner of the room and was distantly observing himself fall apart under Dave’s heavy scrutiny.

Dave’s eyes glanced down at where Karkat’s hold loosely circled his wrist before returning to meet Karkat’s stare. Outside, the light bouncing off the dream bubbles were a blur crowning his hair. Karkat focused on breathing.

With his eyes trained on Karkat, Dave breathed in, breathed out, and murmured to Karkat a response with a voice so soft, it would have been inaudible had they not been so close.

“Could you?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope I did Davekat justice :)


End file.
